Love After Loss - Angry Widow

Love After Loss - Angry Widow

Most widows grieve heavily after losing their husband, especially if they had a happy marriage. But what if you are a widow who was unhappily married? Where do you fit in? Your grief may be tinged with a lot of anger and perhaps relief that you are no longer in a bad situation.

Your late husband may have been abusive or addicted. Maybe he was repeatedly unfaithful. Maybe you were constantly in conflict. You may have been in couples counseling hoping to resolve the problems and create a happier relationship. Maybe he died just as you were beginning to turn a happier corner in your marriage.

Whenever people lose someone they love, they grieve in both the same and very different ways. If your situation was different from that of other widows, you have some needs that may be different from theirs.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross gave us the Five Stages of Grief:

• Denial 
• Anger 
• Bargaining 
• Depression and Acceptance 

When you grieve, you experience all of these stages. They are not in a neat package, progressing smoothly from one stage to the next until you are "finished." You may find you spend a lot of time in the anger stage. That is all right. 

You may also have these thoughts and feelings:

• I'm glad he died; I'm relieved that I do not have to live in fear anymore. 
• I am so angry that he left me to deal with this mess all alone. 
• I would rather have him back with me even with all the conflict. 
• Life is so much calmer now that he is no longer here. 
• I am supposed to feel sad; why am I not crying more? 
• Why do I keep crying? He was such a jerk! 
• I feel guilty for having such negative thoughts about him. 

All of these thoughts and feelings seem contradictory. Remember, grief does not make sense a lot of the time. Allow yourself to think and feel whatever comes to mind. Do not judge yourself. This is part of the process of addressing your loss, even if you are both angry and relieved at the same time.

Your thoughts and feelings are totally normal. Even widows who had wonderful marriages have thoughts such as these. Talk with supportive friends and family about your feelings. Write your thoughts in a journal and keep it private if you prefer. Whatever you do, allow yourself to mourn at your own pace and in your own way.

Take care of yourself as you grieve. For more tips and tools about grieving, finding love after loss, and other widowhood topics, go to FromLossToLoveAgain.com. Become a member and post your comments to share with others about this topic today.