Help! My Ex Wants to Facebook Me

Help! My Ex Wants to Facebook Me

Have you ever been in this situation? You open your email program and find a message asking to you to link with or "like" someone who has - thankfully - been out of your life for a long time. It might be an ex-partner, a former (psychopathic) boss, an old (hateful) co-worker or even a family member you'd hoped had forgotten your existence. What do you do?

I was faced with this dilemma recently when I received a LinkedIn message inviting me to connect with someone with whom I had a personal relationship more than 20 years ago. This relationship indirectly cost me my job so to say I wasn't keen on revisiting it would be an understatement.

My personal reaction aside, a number of other things about this contact attempt really annoyed me.

First, the message was the bog standard default one; this person hadn't even bothered to personalise it.

Second, my profile doesn't list the company at which we both worked, so I wouldn't have flashed up on his screen as a former co-worker, which means he must have searched specifically to find me. Scary!

Third, no thought had been given to how I might feel about being approached in this way. On the web almost everyone is findable; it's one of the Internet's great strengths. But there are downsides, too. One of them is being located by someone you had consigned to your personal dustbin of history.

Being contacted by ex-partners, ex-workmates you were glad to get away from, ex-bosses you loathed, and other types of exes puts us in a quandary. Should we be polite and click the "accept" button? Do we use it as an opportunity to right a wrong or complete unfinished business? If so, maybe the right response is to accept the invitation.

If the person is in a prestigious position and could offer useful connections, accepting the invitation might be advantageous. Although, beware an expectation of a rekindling of the relationship, which undoubtedly you will not want.

If, however, the person was a sociopath, a psychopath, a bully or a wart on the hind-end of society, stay well clear. You do not want them worming their way back into your life. Thinking about them will take up head space and unleash emotions that could be used more productively.

Life is too short to repeat mistakes, or to spend time and energy on undeserving, time-wasting energy-sappers. Hit the delete key (or the ignore button) and get them out of your life. Permanently. The Internet is about two-way communication and the power to choose whether you wish to be part of this equation rests with you. Use it wisely.

About the Author
Lynnaire Johnston, the Word Wizard, is passionate about helping businesses get noticed. She works with companies to ensure they take full advantage of all the many communication methods available in order to get their messages heard. You will find free resources relating to business writing at WordWizard.co.nz or visit her Facebook page at Facebook.com/WordWizard.