Healing After Infidelity - 4 Steps You Can Take to Rid Yourself of Negative Feelings and Self-Doubt

Healing After Infidelity - 4 Steps You Can Take to Rid Yourself of Negative Feelings and Self-Doubt

Healing after infidelity can seem like an impossible task. Your spouse's affair has turned your world upside down. You are overwhelmed by a sea of emotions. You can't stop the negative images and thoughts. Worst of all, your spouse's cheating has crushed your confidence and self-esteem.

Fortunately, there are some things you can do to rid yourself of the negative thoughts and self-doubt. Here are four steps that you can take to begin healing after infidelity; a process that can only start within you.

Step 1: Get in Touch With Your Inner Self
The multitude of feelings and emotions after discovering your spouse's cheating can pour out of you like water out of a broken fire hydrant. Jealousy, betrayal, guilt, shame, anger, uncertainty, fear, frustration and paranoia are just a few of the emotions that you can experience.

One way to corral all these feelings and thoughts so that you can address them later is to start a journal. Write down what you are feeling and thinking.

The first step to healing after infidelity is to recognize your thoughts and feelings.

Step 2: Don't Lift the Other Woman or Man Up in Your Mind
It is easy to build the other woman or man up when your spouse has committed adultery. You may be having thoughts like the following:

"She must be really attractive." "I bet he's in better shape than me." "She is more fun and interesting than I am." "He is more successful than me." These are all natural thoughts to have after discovering that your spouse cheated on you. However, while you may be a victim of adultery, only you can define your thoughts and feelings.

Take charge of your thoughts and don't let yourself build the other person up. Remember that if the other person is so incredibly wonderful then why did they have a fling with a married man or woman?

The second step to healing after infidelity is to stop lifting the other person up in your mind.

Step 3: Change Your Mental Image of the Other Woman or Man
Once you have stopped thinking of the other person as being better than you, it's time to completely alter the way you think about them. Remember that you own your thoughts and feelings.

If you think the other person is more attractive than you, imagine them with horrible cellulite or jelly rolls. If you think they have a dynamic personality, imagine them with a lisp or stuttering problem.

Get creative and have some fun with this step. Try to imagine the other person as being such a clown that you can't possibly imagine anyone thinking they are better than you.

The third step to healing after infidelity is to change the way you view the other person.

Step 4: Build Yourself Back Up
Now it is time to be kind to yourself. Get out a notebook and pen and write down all the good things about yourself. You're smart. You're funny. You have great abs. Write down as many good qualities as you can think of about yourself.

Once you are finished making your list of good qualities, read over it often and repeatedly. Every time you start to think of the other person and begin making comparisons with yourself, go back to your list and read it over and over.

The fourth step to healing after infidelity is to lift yourself up.

By taking the four steps above, you can build your confidence and self-esteem back up, which is an important first step on the road to healing after infidelity.

Wishing you comfort and healing,

K.W. Bell

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