Grief Transformation: Taking Baby Steps With Dating, A Widow Reflects

Grief Transformation: Taking Baby Steps With Dating, A Widow Reflects

Five and a half years after my husband died, I had a vision. In my future, there would be another man in my life. Maybe he would be a life partner or a dating companion, but I felt the guidance clearly. I was walking on the beach, when the vision came to me. After years of clearing and releasing the life I had with my deceased husband, and the year I had spent in more solitude reflecting, the next step on my soul journey would be connection with new friends, a new community and a close relationship with a man.

Throughout my life, I have received inspirations and insights about the future. The inspiration to home school my kids, the vision of building a community of support, the inspiration to move from Maryland to California. All of the guidance had provided me with a life of rich experiences.

But, the idea of this pushed me out of my comfort zone. At the age of 54, how would I connect with a man? Most of my work is with women.I rarely meet men in my line of work. Would I connect with a dating service? Would I ask friends to connect me with possible men to date? How would this happen?

I was beginning to feel nervous and panicky. All of my insecurities began to rise to the surface. Body image. Fear of starting over with sharing who I am intimately. Unsure of who I am in the dating world. It had been almost 25 years since I dated.

One day I was at the local coffee shop. I was talking with one of the locals, a man. For the last nine months, we have been friends. He even hired me to teach him social media for his new business venture. The energy between us is clearly brother and sister. But when he began to talk about going to the movies one Saturday, I told him I would love to see that movie, too. This was the first time we had done anything social together and he was going to pick me up at my apartment.

Even though this was a platonic relationship, I decided that it would be good practice. I allowed myself to feel the awkward moment of who was going to pay for the tickets, where to sit in the movie theater, and whether to eat popcorn or not.

As the movie "date" continued, I found myself relaxed and confident. I let myself sink into the moment. The movie was great. I didn't feel awkward any more. I made choices as a separate person, allowing my friend to be who he is. I stayed curious and I noticed that I was having fun.

I decided that the vision was a nudge to open the door to the possibility and to keep opening to it one step at a time. No rush, I have time to enjoy the adventure, just like everything else in my life.

About the Author
Andrea Hylen is a Grief Transformation Guide, Minister of Spiritual Peacemaking, a facilitator for people in the ministry program, and co-author of Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman's Guide to Life. Her next book: The Voice of Love in the Dark: 44 Conversations of Grief Transformation will be published in 2011. Her greatest desire is to inspire people to live a deeper, richer life as leaders of their own lives.

She is the creator of an innovative, interactive e-book club where she uses stories of her life's journey to help other people discover their own. Go to her website for more information.

Visit her websites: OpenToInspiration.com and BlogTalkRadio.com/LivingOnTheEdge