Dating After Divorce With Children - Too Soon To Start Dating?
Dating after divorce with children can be challenging. An estimated 40% of marriages through 2008 resulted in a divorce. Eight years is the average duration of a first marriage. Wives in families with children filed for divorce in sixty six percent of the cases according to 1975 to 1988 reports by the National Center for Health Statistics. The percentage of women who filed for divorce in 1975 was 71.4%, versus 65% in 1988. The time span between a divorce and second marriage is approximately three and a half years.
Although the U. S. Divorce rate has declined, the marriage rate has also decreased. More than 95% of U. S. Divorces are uncontested, in which both spouses agree to divorce and negotiate property, children and support terms. The age of spouses upon marriage is reportedly a factor influencing divorce risk. A delay in marrying can allow more opportunities or experiences to weigh in on partner selection.
Divorce may be caused by a variety of factors. In 2001, statistics indicated that persons who marry someone of a different faith experienced divorce three times more often than those of a similar faith. Among study reports, extra marital affairs, emotional or physical abuse, mid life crisis, addictions, and workaholism, are respectively, leading causes of divorce. Surveys report men are the primary party engaging in extra-marital affairs in three quarters of the time. Such was the case with Robert and Monica, whose marriage ended in divorce due to Robert's infidelity. While a divorce can be a challenging experience, particularly for the party not at fault, in the case of adultery, coming out better off from a marriage that is not working is possible. "I feel better and stronger than ever, " Monica said. "I had to dig deep to get through this divorce with my young kids but now have self-reliance because of my values."
The next step for Monica, an attractive woman whose dream of a happy family with Robert is no longer possible, is to revise her plans and forge ahead without Robert. Finding Mr. Right will require that the next potential husband is open to both her and her children. This will likely prove to be a challenge despite her affluence compared to other single mothers. In fact, she may be faced with the added task of weeding out suitors who pursue her for financial gain versus those who are after her heart.
On the family front, children may pine for their original family to remain intact. The life everyone knew is drastically changed. Children may experience anger about the divorce. However, children will come to realize the importance of their mother seeking a true, honest, loving and caring relationship with a spouse. Everyone, like Monica, may make peace with the fact that the divorce is for the best, and the beginning of better.
Statistics indicate women are more often awarded primary custodian rights of children than men. Consequently, a divorced father with one child will not have the same dating experience as a single mother who is dating. A man who remarries may have a new spouse, but that new spouse will have lower visitation exposure than a single custodial mother who remarries. Given this scenario, single mothers have different experiences and requirements when dating. The divorced single mom has to become adept at character judgment. If a single mother is aiming to remarry, she will have to steer clear of men who are not interested in other than a friend with benefits. Such an arrangement may be less appealing than declining that type of relationship and staying solo until the right one comes along.
Another dating dilemma for single mothers is judging whether men you are interested in dating are receptive to typical parenting issues. Assess your dating relationship before introducing your children into the relationship. Until the relationship is determined to be long term, steer clear of incorporating this person into the lives of your children. When divorced men become step fathers and fall in love with not just the single mother, but the kids as well, a blended family can be successfully created.
In the event your relationship does not work out after someone has become a part of your family, you can teach your children about positively ending a relationship. If the relationship does move to the next level, then a teachable moment about raising a healthy family is possible.
As a divorced single mother, your children must come first. Children should be protected from getting their hopes high when they are introduced to a parade of men who short term date and disappear. Dating after divorce with children that is considerate of everyone's welfare can move your family beyond the dating pool to a promising future.
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