Challenges And Changes For Women Over 40

Challenges And Changes For Women Over 40

There is no doubt that when a women reaches her mid forties it can spark a shift in thought patterns and spark the realisation that you perhaps want to pursue new goals and take on new and exciting challenges and here at Plan Free Mum we encourage and support that wholeheartedly. However, whilst some women are free both emotionally and financially to embrace new goals and chase down long held dreams other women over forty find themselves mired in problems which can become truly overwhelming.

One of the main difficulties for older women at this age is being caught in the middle between aging parents and the demands of a teenage family with all the stresses that can bring. Anyone who has teenagers knows that they have the uncanny ability to throw a curveball which can knock you off your stride completely. Then there is the pain of relationship breakdown. The mid forties is an age when relationships often get reassessed as kids grow up and become independent. Couples often find that they no longer have anything in common and decide to go their separate ways. Add to this the onset of menopausal symptoms, which many women over forty begin to experience and it's a powder keg of emotional stress. All of these problems, when taken individually are bad enough, but for older women they tend to come all at once, barely allowing you to draw a breath before the next crisis emerges.

When an elderly parent falls ill it is entirely natural to want to run to their side and offer help in whatever way possible. This can involve long round trips to hospitals, cleaning, shopping, administering medication and generally acting support in whatever way is needed. However, whilst all this is going on, your own family is neglected and despite the fact that they are grown up enough to look after themselves, many women feel a terrible sense of guilt that cannot be assuaged. You are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't because if you don't tend to your elderly parents needs you can bet you'll feel even more guilty. Furthermore, if you are trying to hold down a full time or even part time job the whole thing gets even more stressful. Trying to manage illness, family and work becomes an ever increasing juggling game for women in their forties and sometimes it seems you are the only one playing!

On top of all this Mother Nature decides to throw her lot into the mix. Many women over forty start to experience menopausal symptoms - night sweats, mood swings, aggression, increased PMS, insomnia. In some ways this is no bad thing. The general busyness and commotion of every day life can distract from these symptoms and certainly leaves no room for the indulging of them. However, if they are very bad and, for example, stop you from sleeping then matters soon become unbearable and you find yourself no good to anyone, least of all the people who need you.

Annoyingly, we cannot choose what life throws at us and when but it is worth noting that this 'sandwich' between elderly relatives and the demands of a family of your own is pretty unique to older women. Everyone has problems throughout their lives of course, but for women over forty they come in multipacks instead of one at a time. The trick, according to some of our members here on the forum at Plan Free Mum, is to delegate and not feel guilty about it. If you have older children it's important that they realise they have to do their bit, perhaps learn to prepare a meal or do the ironing, walk the dogs etc. Expectations have to be lowered on all fronts, especially your own. If you have siblings, make sure they are doing their fair share of the looking after too. It's all too easy to just get on with it yourself simply to avoid the family arguments, but in the end it's important that everyone pulls their weight. In your own home, stop worrying about clean bathrooms and home cooked meals and at work, have a conversation with your boss, explain the situation and see if you can come to some arrangement where you can make up time or work from home or swap shifts or even take a period of unpaid leave if you are in a financial position to do so.

Hitting forty is an exciting time for a woman, and as you move on through your forties most women find things change and there are a lot of challenges to cope with and problems to be faced and solved. However, don't loose heart in the melee of it all. As we are always pointing out here at PFM, you probably still have half your live left to live and now is the time, even during the darkest days, to starting dreaming about what you want to do with it. Older women now have more opportunities than every before so hold on to that thought, to that dream and when things calm down a bit you can join the thousands of other Women Over Forty who have changed the second half of their lives for the better.

About the Author
Jessica Grayner is a researcher and writer on topics of interest to women. In particular, she writes and blogs on issues for older women at Plan Free Mum.