Healthy Relationship Tip - Do You Take Negative Feedback Like a Doormat, Drama Queen or Dynamo?

Healthy Relationship Tip - Do You Take Negative Feedback Like a Doormat, Drama Queen or Dynamo?

Author: Karen Wehrle

Nobody likes to receive negative feedback. It can feel like someone skewered you like a bug on a pin. So what do you do when your man informs you he can't stand something about you or your behavior? Do you freak out like I did? Believe it or not, there's value in this hot potato he tossed you.

Once upon a time during an argument in the early years of our marriage my husband said, "You're a moody thing, aren't you?"

I was devastated. I completely forgot the argument. It hurt so much that for the first time in my life I stopped talking to him. I carried on like that for about three days, fuming the whole time, rehearsing arguments I might use if I did speak to him. When I heard myself thinking, "I'm in no mood to talk to you," the word "mood" jumped out at me. Oops.

I thought about it some more and you know what I found out? I'm moody! His observation had felt like an arrow through my heart because it was true and part of me knew it all along, while the rest of me totally denied any such thing because it didn't fit my vision of a successful person.

And it turns out his comment was about how I change according to the time of the month--something he never experienced in his own life. D'oh!

So here's how to react when your partner gives you negative feedback. Do not react. Reply that you'll think about it--and then do. You'll need time to recover your balance and to think about what he said, because there are a number of reasons he said it.

And have you noticed people often accuse you of something THEY do? Suss out what's behind the statement and you regain forward momentum.

So if negative feedback freezes you with fear, there's no need to play the part of a doormat he wipes his feet on. That's no partnership.

If your inner drama queen explodes all over and creates such turmoil that the real issue gets ignored, buried or festers forever, your relationship could suffer permanent harm.

A dynamo takes in the energy and converts it to renewed power in the relationship. She thinks about what truth there is in the feedback, talks with him again and learns what he wants instead, then sets about fixing the problem to restore equilibrium or create greater bandwidth. A dynamo can operate as a generator, very useful for recharging the batteries of your healthy relationship.

And now I'd like to invite you to sign up for my FREE e-Course Top 10 Relationship Nurturing Secrets to help turbo charge your relationship starting today.