5 Rules For Parents Dating After Divorce

5 Rules For Parents Dating After Divorce

No matter what happened during your divorce or when, chances are there will come a time when you want to start dating again. However, it's important for parents to remember that the dating choices they make greatly affect not only themselves but their children. Making healthy, careful dating choices will help greatly contribute to the healing process for your entire family. Here are the five tips experts wish divorced parents knew about dating:

1. Give Yourself And Your Children Plenty Of Time To Heal And Adapt Before You Start Dating:
No matter how friendly and cordial your divorce, you and your children will need time to adjust and heal before you allow another person into your lives. It's important that you take the time to process, analyze and heal any issues that contributed to or were the result of your divorce. Not doing so sets the new relationship up for failure for all involved. Statistically, second marriages are less successful than first ones (over 60 percent of second marriages fail) so take all of the time you need to process why the first marriage failed. Most experts recommend waiting a year after martial separation to date, but this is an individual choice. If the thought of dating doesn't yet feel right, wait.

2. When You Begin Dating, Be Upfront And Reassuring With Your Children:
Fill your children in on your intentions, but keep it casual. Inform them that you'd like to start making friends and spending time with adults your own age. Acknowledge and address any feelings your children may express and reassure them that you will always keep all of your best interests in mind and would never let dating interfere with your time together.

3. Make Initial Introductions And Outings Casual:
Never try to force a new person on your children for long periods of time. Make sure initial introductions are fun, casual outings where the children can have an out if they're uncomfortable. Let your children get to know this new person slowly over time at their own pace. You're going to have a much healthier relationship if your children genuinely get a long with the new person, so do everything in your power to let the children initiate and pace their own relationship. It's also vitally important you do not allow your children to develop deep feelings for someone until you're absolutely sure that person is here to stay. Your children have already been through a lot of emotional drama with the divorce. You do not want the child to have to go through this again with another breakup.

4. Maintain Family Time And Traditions Separate From Your Dating Relationship:
No matter how great the person you are dating is, your children deserve time with only you doing things you enjoyed and could look forward to before the dating relationship. If you don't honor your children's special time and traditions, they will eventually resent the person you are dating for taking this (and you) away.

5. Always See The Situation From Your Children's Point Of View:
There are bound to be times when you're unsure how of how to best proceed for all involved. In situations when you aren't sure what to do, simply put yourself in your children's position. Really put yourself in their shoes and imagine how they must feel, even if their feelings seem irrational to you at the time. Looking at things from your children's perspective will almost always point you in the right direction - on the path to their best interest.